Well That Was Weak...

Where to start...hmmm. Ok so yesterday I go on a date wtih Tsubo, we went to see the movie SAW. I had some serious expectations for this show, but I think it was kind of a let down. Not really that gory I dont think, but it made you think a bit. I'm going to spoil it for anyone who keeps reading so be warned. So the whole premise of the movie was like any suspense thriller, people having crisis, try to find culprit and solve before time runs out. Ok, having that covered, the antagonist is like a psychotic shrink. He puts people in horrible life or death situations, after studying them, and leaves them a tape explaining their biggest fault, and what they have to do to survive. So far, only one person survives, and although scared metally and freaked out, she maintains that the experience had infact helped her, giving her a reason to stop drugs and pick up her life. So now we have 2 guys chained to opposing corners of a room, trying to find a way out. Each hears the message. One needs to get out, the other need to kill the other in order to get out. All by 6pm, or the family of the one who has to do the killing will be killed. Ok, for clarity, Larry is the one who has to kill, and Adam needs to escape. Now there's a dead body who has shot themself in the head laying in the middle of the room. After arguments, story telling and eventually figuring out part of the necessary things they need to know, time runs out, and you see Zapf, the bad guy. By this time Larry and Adam have already figured out that Zapf has done this to them, and has Larry's family hostage. They also learn that Adam has been following Larry taking pictures of him, hired by an ex-cop trying to bust the criminal. 6pm. Zapf tries to kill Larry's family, complications arise and he has to run away. He's coming to kill Larry and Adam. Larry, desperate to help his family, takes a saw, and hacks off his own leg, then crawls to the gun on the dead guys body, and shoots Adam, thinking Zapf will let him out. Zapf shows up, and Adam isnt dead, it only hit his shoulder. Adam kills Zapf with the lid of a toilet tank, and finds a tape recorder. Larry has crawled away for help. Upon listening, the twist in the plot shows up. Zapf wasnt the bad guy, he was in the same situation, and had done this all as part of what the main bad guy had forced him to do. Next thing you know, the dead body in the room stands up, and pulls the makeup blood off. Its the main criminal, he was there the whooooooole time, watching. He tells Adam he can leave, the key is in the bathtub. heh. Adam pulled the plug, the key was down the drain. He's fucked. ok, cool twist, shitty thing? All you see is the bad guy close the door to the room, leavign Adam screaming in the dark, credits roll. Well fuck. LAME ASS ENDING! Like seriously, laaaaaaaaame. Ugh, so I feel bad that she didnt like the movie, seeing as it was technically a date. so I take her for food after, she's tired, wants to go home... *sigh* ok. New day.

TODAY, Tsubo was having a halloween party, the day before. So I get off work, go to her place at 7, I cant drink because I have to drive. and I have no money. lame. And it was a total sausage fest. There were 9 or 10 guys, and 3 girls, one is taken and 2 arent after boyfriends or action. blah. So for 5 hours I watch people get drunk, we go to the bar. Which was busy, as expected. A few things happened at the bar. First I turn around and one of the beer tub girls was like M'ladys evil twin, so I had a double take and almsot freaked, but calmed down. Next I had a weird twist, ok the other day in the bank parking lot, I yelled at some girl to turn up the Nirvana. She was AT the bar, with her bf no less, and started telling me I was her hero and I was hot and she'd "see me later". uhh...lady? YOUR WITH YOUR GODDAMN BOYFRIEND! she wasnt very hot either *sigh*. Ok so next I see an ex from like, 5 years ago. And she was dressed very skanky, although hot. Havent seen her in about a year and a half, maybe 2 years, she was like "whoa, nice lip ring, I want it" and then kisses me. uhh, ok that was odd. So we say hi and talk a bit here and there. Then I got checked out like 30 times by the HOTTEST girl, but she was also, with her boyfriend. argh. Bro and I got bored, so we hunt down Tsubo and the others and tell them we're leaving, then we go to leave, I had a brief waterfight with my ex, who it turns out, is friends with the uber hottie. so I got to talk to her too. We leave, head to Humptys, and run into a few of Bro's friends from Gull Lake, and talk to them for a while, freaking hilarious guys, and one has a really hot girlfriend. That was cool. Then Bro wanted to header home, I was going to go back to the bar and hang out all night with Tsubo, but I figured they'd be gone to a house party or something, it was almost last call anyways. I hadn't planned on coming home tonight, in fact, I REALLY didnt want to. but ce la vie, I'm home. and its just 3am now. I wish I hadve had the money to drink with them *sigh* Oh well. I'm exhausted, but I dont want to sleep right now.....

So I got a new job. I'm fairly stoked. No more dough making pizza bitch for me! I nwo work in the stock warehouse for Visions in town. and its 9/hour. So I'm pretty happy. I start on monday. Alright, well I think I'm going to go watch Anchorman, and then fall asleep in the middle of it. Therefore, good night, and fuck you.

Well Thats a Kick In The Pants....

So I'm crying for the first time in 3 weeks. I was flipping through my email folders and found an email from the day after M'lady left.....had the address to write her letters...and the last thing it said was "I love you". insta-tears. And so naturally I'm now listening to turbo emo music. Today was a decent day I ran into a friend from high school, and went and spent a half hour talking to a good friends mom (also a good friend) who I havent seen for a couple months. Work kinda sucked, but thats pretty typical. And then I found that cursed email. Thank god for the delete button, but it cant take away reading it. Its hard to type....I spent all day at the gym, my arms are all pumped up even to the point of cramping, and I can barely type, I'm just losing the will to survive. It makes me wonder, would this be easier if she was still a friend? Would I have more memories and happy times as a friend to make up for the pain? Or is her not talking to me the best way out of it...that cant be right...it hurts way to much to be right. I can understand not wanting to hang out, people need space, maybe she's hurting too, although somehow I doubt it....it never hurts to be civil, drop in a hello from time to time... I lose most of my intelligence when I'm like this, sorry, but I'm beginning to believe there is absolutely ANYTHING I would give to have her back.

Well, in a mild attempt to not be a mope, I'm going to stop talkign about it and try and pry my mind away. maybe I'll go watch Anchorman or something....loud noises.....

Boredom Does Bad Things to a Mind

Hello, the Angel from my Nightmare,
angel of desperation, consolidation
angel who brings my eyes to rise
and rest on those who die

Sing to me, make me mind.

So I totally lost my train of thought on that. ah well. Its 1:30 in the morning, as the little clock on the post will tell you, and I'm just startign to get tired, which I hope speeds up a little because I have the gym in the morning, and I'd prefer to have the energy to lift, I'm gonna be going pretty heavy. its chest and tricep day. I'm going a little tweaky in my mind, there are a few ideas of things I want to do for photoshop, and flash, and webpages, but I dont know how to do them, and I know if I wait till I know how, I'll forget what I wanted to do, and the other bad part is its half improv, like, I can envision half the project..the rest is just...not there. Its very aggravating. I'd like to think up a good name for my stuff, like a company name, that type, but its not quite as simple as youd think. Although I like paradoxes, so I try to think up a good one, but they're so cliche, which pisses me off, so I cant. argh. So I'm watching this Max X show (Maximum Exposure) about stupid people and stupid stunts, and I start to think, I'd do that, that'd be sweet! like lighting myself on fire and jumping in a pool.....being bored makes me stupid. Its halloween on sunday, and I'm going to a party on saturday for it, should be interesting. Mrriss, a friend from Edmonton, might come down to party with us, which should be a riot, he's a good guy. haha he wants to dress up as Air Matress Man again, good times. I was trying to think up a good archnemesis for him, but Needle man was about the best I could use, and that just opens doors for needle dick jokes all night. So instead I think I'll be a demon ninja, I just gotta get a pair of red contact lenses. and then build the rest of the costume....shouldnt be too hard. I wonder if the bar will even let me in with a mask on. hmm. alright, I'm talking to a guy I know, who I rarely talk to, I'll call him BBOstrich. So BB has been dating an old friend of mine for about 6 years, and they have an adorable little 3 year old, here's the problem, my old friend just went psycho and left him, and let the kid go to social services. There is a BIG problem when people seem to think since their tired of being a parent they can just throw it away. makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. Methinks I shall be going to have a "talk" with my old friend. being more of me screaming my head off and her listening. intently. We dont talk much anymore, but the old friend thing might carry some weight. Anyways, its sleeptime for me, good day, good night, and fuck you.

Time Apart

Whoa, its been just shy of a month since I've written. Crazy. Well, its not much of a long story, but here goes the last 3 weeks. J-nz and I briefly had an episode, which shan't be happening again, and I've been after another job and doing school. There you have it. In depth eh? I have a lot of new music, and I havent listened to my depressing music in a long time. Ive stopped myself from wanting to throw myself off a cliff without M'lady, although there was a small backslide for a few days. I'm in about 2K debt, and I have next to no money. this sucks. I might need to get a loan. Erg. I so dont want to. oh well, y'do what you have to right? and at least a loan is monthly payments. And now I have to go make pizza dough. Good lord I hate my job. Tonight is homework night. I need to make an image map, which I'll hard code, against my professors wishes, and be done in a half hour, and then I'll make this stupid website on designer research I have to do. oh yeah, and its journal entries due tomorrow...hmmm. maybe I should do those. On the upside of things I've been going to the gym, and its finally starting to build. I'm getting a few muscles on me :) at this rate I'll be where I want to by mid january-february ish, then I can just tone. The edm people might be coming down for halloween, which should be a gong show haha, but I dont think I want to drink still, but maybe. we'll see. And I plan on going up to Edm for 2 friends b-days in reading week. it'll be a blast. anyways, off to work. Later.