Well Thats a Kick In The Pants....

So I'm crying for the first time in 3 weeks. I was flipping through my email folders and found an email from the day after M'lady left.....had the address to write her letters...and the last thing it said was "I love you". insta-tears. And so naturally I'm now listening to turbo emo music. Today was a decent day I ran into a friend from high school, and went and spent a half hour talking to a good friends mom (also a good friend) who I havent seen for a couple months. Work kinda sucked, but thats pretty typical. And then I found that cursed email. Thank god for the delete button, but it cant take away reading it. Its hard to type....I spent all day at the gym, my arms are all pumped up even to the point of cramping, and I can barely type, I'm just losing the will to survive. It makes me wonder, would this be easier if she was still a friend? Would I have more memories and happy times as a friend to make up for the pain? Or is her not talking to me the best way out of it...that cant be right...it hurts way to much to be right. I can understand not wanting to hang out, people need space, maybe she's hurting too, although somehow I doubt it....it never hurts to be civil, drop in a hello from time to time... I lose most of my intelligence when I'm like this, sorry, but I'm beginning to believe there is absolutely ANYTHING I would give to have her back.

Well, in a mild attempt to not be a mope, I'm going to stop talkign about it and try and pry my mind away. maybe I'll go watch Anchorman or something....loud noises.....