Lies and Flies

I hate lying. Especially when you know damn well the person you're avoiding answering KNOWS what you're lying about. I cant tell her I want more. How can I? She doesnt want more. its not like in my head where all she wants is to HEAR that I want her. She. Is. Not. Interested. Why can't I just accept it? Oh yeah, because she's unbelievable. She's not dumb, she's very sharp, I know she knows how I feel, but I get lost thinking about it and get caught when she asks me whats on my mind.


We spent all day together, and it was a gongshow. She completely blew me off last night. 3rd time she's basically refused to crash here, and she should know I wont make a move, I wont even sleep in the same room as her. She then proceeded to take a HALF HOUR to come out of her friends apartment, which is all of TEN blocks away. And wasnt even ready so an hour long detour later we finally left for the mountains which we never got to because of the truck going off the road. Then she had to meet my brother, and my parents. How ruthless. She USED to be cuddly, she USED to be interested, and she USED to act like it.....here and there, she still is......but the rest of the time she acts like she couldnt care less if I died. I'm just.....there.

On top of it all, I almost rolled my truck with her in it, which wouldve killed us both. She semi cuddled on the way home, but as soon as a slow song came on the radio, she sat bolt upright. basically curled up in a corner and barely looked at me.
This is tearing me up. I cant tell her on here or msn or the phone, thats cowardly. I HAVE to tell her in person. but if I do, I run a high risk of losing out on many more months of her as a friend than I already did when she had a bf. I dont know what to do...