Disbelief

It never fails. It astonishes me everyday, while I look out the window, and at the clock. Its raining again, or it was, an hour ago. I sit here, in this dirty piece of shit hotel room, and I watch the minutes, hours, days, just tick away, and I wait until I can do some work, and earn my hundred dollars each day. I wait, because I know, in 48 hours, I'll be in another city, and within 5 days, I'll be home. (Music: Staind - Outside)

Its been a long, and incredibly swift 9 weeks. I remember the day I left to come work, leaving at 9 in the evening, my mom freaking out because I was leaving the city to live. The 8 hour drive to some podunk little town, piling into a hotel at 3 in the morning, where I havent even seen the face of the man I'm to live with for 2 months. Kind of intimidating, for the first week when you dont even know what a grader is, and I'm supposed to be a paver. I suppose I caught on in time. The 2 weeks I was in the Calgary area actually feels like it was last year. Time seems to just blend together into one giant miasma of a work day. And whats strange, while the days I dont work go by, I know there are a million and two things I could be getting done, but I'm not. And seeing what a waste of my life I'm doing, its depressing. And yet I dont really ever get around to changing it, all these things I should be doing with my spare time, and I sit and never fix my life. I feel like the whole last 20 years of my life has been a failure, I've let people down by not being what could be. (Music: In Flames - Cloud Connected) But yet I still sit on the computer, and wait until I can go earn my hundred dollars each day. I sit, and I wait...