An Inner Look at the Outer Skin
I sit, I see, through the small space alloted me. Glistening surfaces broken and reborn by the mundane yet somehow poetic motion of everyday life. I feel like a voyeur, only from inside, looking out, at the world. The air ripples with every droplet.
So its been raining for 2 days up here in Lloydminster, and this spells doom for me, because I REALLY need the money, and I've already spent too much up here as is. I suppose this is God kicking me in the ass for drinking. And, as you may have guess, I only get paid for the days I work, seeing as its flat rate, daily cash pay. Well, weekly pay, but you get the idea. I spent all of yesterday vegetating in front of this cursed laptop, watching movies I had no real desire to watch, but I had nothing else to do. Its times like this I would kill for my own vehicle, I could go to Edmonton or Saskatoon or somewhere I know people. This is murder. Ironically, you'd think I'd be used to it, I really dont get out much and I'm alone alot, but I suppose when I'm at home I take the time I DO get for granted. not very nice of me is it. And so I've spent too many hours wrapped in a large fleece hotel blanket, staring at the monitor, hoping someone will come online, someone who wants to talk to me, or who appreciates my conversation, which is hard even for me half the time, because without a good stimuli, all I really talk about is girls, biking, and sex. Wow, look at me go. I think about many things much more interesting and complex, but they're only really interesting to ME, and those who study concepts of philosophy, astrology, mythology, etc. I find it all rather fascinating, but bring it up on an MSN conversation sometime, you'll be surprised how fast people shut up and stop talking to you. Its kind of depressing. And so, day by day I stare into the outside, and wonder what it's like to be the normal person, or if I am the normal person, and its just some abstract alien concept I've developed in my mind, or perhaps we all feel this way, because we ourselves don't really understand ourselves, we seem to think we're apart from everyone else, and so much different. We are different, but are we SO much different? Something to ponder.
So I went back through several posts I've made in the past, and I couldnt remember even the idea that spawned the post, for several of them, it was refreshing to see where my mind has been. Personally, it made me feel like I do have an artistic touch, some of the writings almost qualify as imcomplete poetry. I quite enjoyed it. As for anyone reading this, I don't know if they would've enjoyed it, but I can hope.
So I get to go home in a couple weeks, I'm actually semi-homesick. not for Lethbridge, mind, but for the few things I really like there. Bro, biking, my bike in specific, my parents (kind of, they call alot, so I still get aggravated at the constant questions that I can't answer over the phone). Mostly I'm excited, when I get home a friend from BC will be out visiting, and in the first weekend of september, I go camping to Waterton with my family, to run Red Rock Canyon, one of my favorite pasttimes. The Nurse might be coming. Not for sure, but I'm crossing my fingers. I really want to hang out with her, she's such a doll. Bro might come run the canyon with us, and one of my oldest friends (I'll use his online name - ReKluse) said he might come too. Which is awesome, him and I didnt talk for years until this spring, we started hanging out again. I hope its good weather, I want an early start, I want to go back to a certain spot. My oldest brother and I and his good friend went up 4 years ago we got about 7 or 8 miles back, to most likely the most perfect spot I've ever seen. it looks like the end of a shallow valley (maybe 100 feet high) and all shale, BRIGHT BRIGHT red shale, the whole area looks like it was carved into a fishbowl shape and a thundering waterfall cascades the end of it. It really makes life worth living to see a sight like this. I want to go back. And I want to show it to my friends.
The weekend after that, I'm supposed to go for The Nurse's 23rd birthday, which should be a great time. By then I'm also in school, so it'll be back into full tilt. God I love coffee on a shitty morning. Or a hot chocolate, but thats better when you can sit on a porch by a lake, wrapped in the blanket with a lovely lady who loves you back, and you can sip at it and cuddle and watch the rain fall into the lake, see the ripple from fish, and overly just enjoy nature. Sorry, I digress.
Well, thanks to a hefty digression and a brain fart from hell, I think I'm going to wrap this up. Have a good one.
So its been raining for 2 days up here in Lloydminster, and this spells doom for me, because I REALLY need the money, and I've already spent too much up here as is. I suppose this is God kicking me in the ass for drinking. And, as you may have guess, I only get paid for the days I work, seeing as its flat rate, daily cash pay. Well, weekly pay, but you get the idea. I spent all of yesterday vegetating in front of this cursed laptop, watching movies I had no real desire to watch, but I had nothing else to do. Its times like this I would kill for my own vehicle, I could go to Edmonton or Saskatoon or somewhere I know people. This is murder. Ironically, you'd think I'd be used to it, I really dont get out much and I'm alone alot, but I suppose when I'm at home I take the time I DO get for granted. not very nice of me is it. And so I've spent too many hours wrapped in a large fleece hotel blanket, staring at the monitor, hoping someone will come online, someone who wants to talk to me, or who appreciates my conversation, which is hard even for me half the time, because without a good stimuli, all I really talk about is girls, biking, and sex. Wow, look at me go. I think about many things much more interesting and complex, but they're only really interesting to ME, and those who study concepts of philosophy, astrology, mythology, etc. I find it all rather fascinating, but bring it up on an MSN conversation sometime, you'll be surprised how fast people shut up and stop talking to you. Its kind of depressing. And so, day by day I stare into the outside, and wonder what it's like to be the normal person, or if I am the normal person, and its just some abstract alien concept I've developed in my mind, or perhaps we all feel this way, because we ourselves don't really understand ourselves, we seem to think we're apart from everyone else, and so much different. We are different, but are we SO much different? Something to ponder.
So I went back through several posts I've made in the past, and I couldnt remember even the idea that spawned the post, for several of them, it was refreshing to see where my mind has been. Personally, it made me feel like I do have an artistic touch, some of the writings almost qualify as imcomplete poetry. I quite enjoyed it. As for anyone reading this, I don't know if they would've enjoyed it, but I can hope.
So I get to go home in a couple weeks, I'm actually semi-homesick. not for Lethbridge, mind, but for the few things I really like there. Bro, biking, my bike in specific, my parents (kind of, they call alot, so I still get aggravated at the constant questions that I can't answer over the phone). Mostly I'm excited, when I get home a friend from BC will be out visiting, and in the first weekend of september, I go camping to Waterton with my family, to run Red Rock Canyon, one of my favorite pasttimes. The Nurse might be coming. Not for sure, but I'm crossing my fingers. I really want to hang out with her, she's such a doll. Bro might come run the canyon with us, and one of my oldest friends (I'll use his online name - ReKluse) said he might come too. Which is awesome, him and I didnt talk for years until this spring, we started hanging out again. I hope its good weather, I want an early start, I want to go back to a certain spot. My oldest brother and I and his good friend went up 4 years ago we got about 7 or 8 miles back, to most likely the most perfect spot I've ever seen. it looks like the end of a shallow valley (maybe 100 feet high) and all shale, BRIGHT BRIGHT red shale, the whole area looks like it was carved into a fishbowl shape and a thundering waterfall cascades the end of it. It really makes life worth living to see a sight like this. I want to go back. And I want to show it to my friends.
The weekend after that, I'm supposed to go for The Nurse's 23rd birthday, which should be a great time. By then I'm also in school, so it'll be back into full tilt. God I love coffee on a shitty morning. Or a hot chocolate, but thats better when you can sit on a porch by a lake, wrapped in the blanket with a lovely lady who loves you back, and you can sip at it and cuddle and watch the rain fall into the lake, see the ripple from fish, and overly just enjoy nature. Sorry, I digress.
Well, thanks to a hefty digression and a brain fart from hell, I think I'm going to wrap this up. Have a good one.
posted by brokenhalo76 at 8:57 AM
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